Making Anger Work For You!

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Making Anger Work For You by

Doug Feil, MS, LPC – Feil Counseling & Consulting

Few emotions seem to cause as much harm as anger.  It is frequently labeled a “bad” emotion.  Many of us were raised by parents who said, “Don’t get angry” (often while they were angry themselves!).  Some were taught in church that anger is sin.  Yet scripture actually commands us to be angry (Ephesians 4:26-27).  A few verses later we are told to put aside anger.  What gives?

Scripture indicates over 300 times that GOD GOT ANGRY! Jesus clearly got angry on several different occasions (i.e., purging the temple).  Genesis 1:26-27 says that we are made in God’s image.  If He gets angry and we are made in His image, then we get angry too!

Aslan is the only character to appear in all seven books of the Chronicles of Narnia. Aslan represents Jesus Christ, according to the author, C. S. Lewis, who uses the allegory in the books that Aslan is the Lion and the Lamb, which also says in the Bible about God.

Why did God create the emotion of anger?  To motivate us to fix something that is wrong.  People who study the interaction between our emotions and our physiology say that anger creates the fight/fright/flight reflex that fear does.  If you are afraid when face to face with a bear, that physiological response is logical – it helps keep us alive.  Anger has actually been shown to activate 1500 different physiological changes to our bodies. Why would God tie the same responses to anger?  Precisely for the same reason – something is wrong, fix it!  The emotion of anger is healthy – what we do with it may or may not be.

The emotion of anger, plus the accompanying physiological activation, is designed to energize us to “fix” whatever is causing the anger. We are meant to do something about it. Also, anger is a second order emotion, meaning it’s a symptom of deeper underlying emotions rather than the anger we are actually struggling with. Examples of emotions that in turn may activate our anger include hurt, pain, fear, guilt, betrayal, etc.

Most people seem to choose two common unhealthy responses:  stuff it or lash out in blame toward others.  What are constructive strategies?

Try these steps:

1.  Identify the feelings and thoughts that are triggering the anger. Is it fear, hurt, pain, feeling out of control?  What practical steps can be taken to address the root issues rather than just unloading the anger. Several ideas to help you in this process include, journaling anger letters at each source of your anger. Then, several days later, review these notes and try to identify the emotions driving the anger. At that point, come up with a plan to address the actual triggering emotions and take action on those feelings.

2. Walk away, and when you are calmer, think back to the initial triggering event of the anger. What was going on? What constructive steps can you take about it?

3. Design creative options for yourself, including seeking resolution and forgiveness in the situation and building accountability in your life with trusted people. It’s important to not just hold it in, but do something about it!

4. Use healthy ways to express the anger and its’ impact on your body such as exercise, healthy venting, etc. Once the physiological “edge” is lessened, then work on the actual root emotions. You can also prayerfully ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those emotions to you – He often will answer that prayer.

If you experience patterns of chronic or destructive anger, seek professional help.  There are many potential sources which can be proactively addressed in counseling.

Looking for more? Here are our Individual Counseling services.